Wednesday, 8 October 2008


I'm back again (or is it aging?), anyhow...
After a brief stay at 'Club Mad' I'm back at home, nearly back at work (poo), supposed to be "leading a normal,rewarding and interesting life, full or blah,blah, (shit! am I supposed to be listening?) bullshit" - oh crap! I hope they are not asking me any questions about that speech because I'd be farked - that was my internal dialogue whilst I could hear the Chinese Prime Minister on the distance protesting about violations to his human rights and ascribing to the first amendment to the constitution, somebody should have told him that 'this is China-Town!' I have mixed feelings about being a little bit proud that the President of the USA-cum-PrimeMinisterofChina-cum-Chief-of-Paediatrics-cum-CIA-cum-ChineseSecretPolice-cum-RH was very afraid of me, and I didn't say a word to him, but he would shut up and be very, very still when I was in the room, He must have known I needed peace and quiet.
Most of the nurses at Unit 4 were lovely, then again we had some rough-n-tumble, cultural and language differences you might call it - in the case of P, pure stupidity mixed with insensitivity.
Being crazy is not that bad after all, it is actually quite refreshing to let go of most inhibitions and walk around in circles like a caged bear, gesticulating and whispering 'fack,fack,fack,fack,fack,fck,ck ck,ck,ck,f '(you become lazy after a while)
All is good now, the crisis has passed, I endured 3 weeks on board, staying in a private luxury cabin, dutifully eating my ration of SnappyTom.

Dodging the drug patrol in the mornings was a different story, one has to be a bit lucid to know when to quit and I reckon that Benzodiazepines and I just ain't good mates, so I developed ( more like copied McMurphy's) a method for pretending I swallowed but in fact I spat the little one out, faithfully every morning i would "take" my 3 tablets and then candidly "washed" my hands and the queta down the sink with it.
100mg of quetiapine and 20mg of temazipam just to get me to sleep at night is quite a heavy hand, and then in the morning take 300mg of venlafaxine (to put you up) and another 100mg of Queta (just to chill), no way! I spent most days asleep, in an unconscious dreamy state, perhaps that is what took me back to the surface. Dreaming can be exhausting, it can be scary, it can be more painful that reality in certain ways, so I decided to cling to this 'reality' at least is a bit less scary than some dreams.

After all IT IS GOOD TO BE HOME (at least for the next 2 weeks)

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