Wednesday 4 July 2007

dear phar lap

I wish I was a good girl, I wish I was able to say I was in love with you - but I am not...
The truth is: I do love your ck, but as far as loving you, I am affraid to say I didn't have the chance to feel 'the feeling' if you follow me...
I'd have loved to fall for you but you never made me feel safe, you never let me fell like I could trust you, and yes, it is absolutely true, we enjoyed each other - and true - we do not love each other beyond friends.
Perhaps this will come as a horrible offence to some people and yet this is who I am: I just want to find someone to have great sex with. i will fall inlove again, but I do not know when or who with, the fact is: I love sex, I want to have someone who wants to fuck me day and night and in between, and also someone who loves me enough to let me be myself.

Tuesday 3 July 2007

to commemorate my 30th


Today I am 30...
Today I am 30
Finally.
Finally.
30 is my ticket.
30 is what I've been waiting for.
30 is a cloak of confidence
I get to wear for the rest of my life...
30 is the pair of 3-D glasses
that allows me to see
beyond the omnipresent
apathy of those who
surround me.
It's freedom.
It's legitimacy....
I'm not married.
I don't have a baby.
I hear no ticking clock.
I've been digital since 1984.
All those things that I was supposed
to accomplish by the time I was 30
are not accomplished.
So I no longer have to worry
about the agenda someone else handed to me.
I'm no longer on any agenda.
Today I am 30
and the only responsibility I have
is myself.
My sanity.
My integrity.
My health.
My peace of mind.
My acute and unerring perceptions.
An enormous responsibility to be sure,
but mine and mine alone.
I am a fully responsible adult.
Because today I am 30.
Not a bad place to be actually.
After all, how many people can say:
Today I am 30 and
today I am free.

Adapted from Anita Liberty's 'How to Heal the Hurt by Hating'.

shock horror!!!!!

Shit!!! I had the most horrible dream, I was 30!

Hang on a minute, I am 30!!!, Oh god! How did this happen????, OK, no need to panic, I can still feel my legs, my arms are OK, and my head - oh my head! I can definitely feel it... Shit I had too much to drink again...

Fuck! I am really 30!!!!!!!! - oh well, I might as well enjoy the ride, why not?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, yes, the memories flood back, I had my birthday party and drank lost and lots and lots and lots of champagne (champagnoise more like it...), hence the headache, the vague recollections of night of debauchery except I ended up alone in my bed - as usual says my head - fuck! I wish I had had great sex to mark my entrance into the 4th decade of my life....
Dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, v dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty, dirty thirty,

Let us hope they really are as dirty as they say......


oh my, I look fabulous!