Wednesday, 23 July 2008

a drug update

My current prescription is as follows:

300mg Efexor XR morning
700mg Epilim morning
700mg Epilim night

of which I take 300mg efexor/morning and 1000mg epilim/night. Epilim makes me feel very slow, sleepy, tired, foggy-brained and dizzy, I can't seem to be able to find my words or to express myself coherently. Efexor gives me a perpetual tremor and sometimes I drop things on the floor and make a mess because I can't control the shaking of my body so I have pretty much given up on cooking.

I've put on weight and I have chronic back pain since starting epilim, oh, and my periods have nearly disappeared too.

It all just seems like too much but I have only just started epilim and I must give it a good go for at least another 5 months to a year before I decide to stop or change it, at some point I am meant to find the one thing that works for me - whatever that may be.

Chin up and keep on going

and it continues

Life keeps going on, and the world keeps on turning. I keep going up and down and I'm trying hard to learn the art of controlling the moods, not only with medication, but also by not allowing myself to surrender to the sinking lows nor the amazing highs.
I wish I had more highs...

Last one was a couple of weeks ago and it was when I decided to let Pharlap go, now I'm trying to get out of the down that normally follows and I miss him deeply, but I will prevail and I will not go back, I won't ask him for anything and I will not allow myself to feel lonely and think that I need him. I am OK and I can manage on my own, I always have and always will.

My tonsils got infected 3 weeks ago and now I must consider very carefully if I want them removed, perhaps that's the best option, I'm not too convinced as yet...

My bonsai is thriving, just as I am