Wednesday, 23 November 2011

NOvember 2011

Time flies!
So much has happened and at the same time nothing really happens, I'm still the same, still alone, still waiting, still thinking of all the wonderful possibilities of better lives.
What would I be if I wasn't in this reality?
Somewhere, in a different reality I am happy, I am successful, I am with (), or in another reality ..... never left and I never got so sick.
I am very angry at the ones who killed the person I could have been.
In a different reality that never, never happened so long ago that made me who I am.
Mental illness is so isolating, trauma is agonisingly lonely.

Friday, 15 July 2011

life as it goes

Finally out of hospital after 6 weeks. The first 4 were absolute agony, searing pain and near no relief, thank heavens the pain subsided a bit after week 5 eventhough I am still very sore in the mornings but oxycodone HCl helps a bit. I've met some amazing people whilst on the inside and also have seen so much unfairness and injustice towards people in dire need of help.
I will do something about it, just need to gather my strenght and then will fight tooth and nail for me and for those who cannot help themselves...

Friday, 3 June 2011


Day 10
it has been quite a rollercoaster, excruciating pain, compounded depression, inability to swallow solid food and the insistance from the surgeon I must force tablets and solids down my gob regardless of them getting stuck and inducing a cold sweat and my whole body shaking in agony. Still some more weeks of pain to endure but sure enough I will get through it.
New post op protocol, no more all-you-can-eat icecream and jelly, no more soft diet. Just a few hours after the surgery I was made to eat roast lamb and veggies. Plenty of narcotics to take the edge off of the pain but alas not very effective.
As the days go by the pain gets worse but mercifully I have been told it will improve by day 14 or so, I'm counting down the minutes...
I wish I was slightly interested in food and could eat something delicious and be able to swallow without having to grasp the table so hard my knuckles go white - at least I'm not drooling anymore.
I'm recovering very well physically pain and all but what was meant to be an over night stay inhospital has turned out to be 3 weeks at least in a psychitric ward, the surgery, the anaesthetic, the pain and the stress have unleashed the deep seated and pernicious depression once again.
Here comes the shithead night shift nurse to give me a harangue. He is a tool.

Monday, 2 May 2011

oh the joy

Very busy with school, and work, and life. Always thinking.

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

my word!

The Court hearing is looming, it will be the conclusion to an unreasonable and completely vexatious matter.
I will be free from her harassment.
I'm strong, I'm free and I'm making sure I am safe and well.
I shall prevail.

Monday, 7 March 2011

Class, elegance and style are completely useless - when you are void of them!
Sophistication seems to be as rare and as mythical, as a unicorn.
I am happy I am free and self sufficient, I don't need to consult others to know what to do or think, I can make my own decisions and have my own opinions.
I have me to look after myself.
I am very fortunate indeed.