Friday, 10 May 2013

Today

Today I read a blog by hyperbole and a half about depression, it most definitely expressed the reality of it in such an articulate and sophisticated manner, I wish I could write like that. 
My life has just been so stressful, I really need to catch a break. 
I haven't had a day without pain for the past 2 years! 
Moving away from Sydney to a small coastal town seemed like the best idea a year ago, I really thought things would improve, yet so far it has gone the opposite way. 
I used to be fun and productive and energetic and creative and healthy, that is what I miss the most - being healthy, being well. 
Today someone reached out to me and I hope I can be of assistance to her. I related the incident to () and all I got was a baffled/exasperated look and a 'why would you want to do anything?, that's just stupid' response to my saying I would like to help. 
That's the message I'm getting from () of late - it's stupid, I'm stupid. It hurts because I would never call the one I love nor my friends stupid. I'm not talking about breaking the law, or putting myself at risk or harming me or anyone when I say I want to help the person who rang in desperation, why would it be 'stupid' to help someone in need? 
I know () is projecting a lot of shit on me, everything () experiences is through a filter of despair and depression, I know what that is like but that is no excuse to hurt the one you love, your partner, a friend or anyone for that matter. 
It is time to find a place for me to be me and give myself the chance to be free from constant judgement. 
So how about you stick your judgement up your arse and fuck right off! And I say this in the friendliest way and with utmost  respect. 

1 comment:

gardendog said...

You know you have to let this person go, don't you? I've found help within from reaching out to other people, but you can only help others when they're ready to accept that help. I wish you all the best in your life, and hope you find what you need.