Next time

I'm out of hospital again. Thank god for modern drug therapy (I mean it).

This time at least I didn't end up in ward 26, oh no, this time I was in ward 4 east at CRH, the surgical ward because of a very bad throat infection. The diagnosis was initially tonsilar Quincy, then peritonsilar cellulitis, then dunno?, then a ruptured tonsilar abscess (Quincy). I must say the pain is exquisite (which in medical terms stands for fucking bad!!!).

The morphine was maxed up and yet the pain receptors in the tonsils do not respond to opiates, so the drug barely takes the edge off and makes you very dumb but the pain is still there, I was unable to swallow even my own saliva, let alone drink, eat or talk. Not a pretty sight.

Drooling is so uncool once you have stopped teething...

If you don't drink you naturally dehydrate and then your veins collapse, so there is not much room for the medics to insert cannulas to pump you full with IV fluids, antibiotics, steroids, and pain killers, in my short (or long) stay I managed to collect 16 puncture sites (the number of attempts to insert new cannulas in my arms) which I now wear proudly. My hands are still a bit sore from the fluids, etc but the bruises are mainly internal so not too ugly.

Oral thrush is very uncool...

There's nothing like physical pain to put things into perspective, however, my depression is not improving because the drugs that I so much need clash with the drugs that saved my life so it will be a long road to get back the levels where they must be. I really want to get better and I am prepared to do whatever it takes, after all, that is the choice I made when I went into hospital the first time, I am not going to kill myself even if that is what seems to be the easier way out. I still feel like falling asleep and not waking up again.
I still have a lot of work to do...

I am not planning on going back to hospital ever again (maybe when I have a baby) but if it was to happen again I would definitely take a number of things with me like pyjamas, my tooth brush, fresh fruit, a neck pillow, clean nickers, a comb, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, Kleenex toilet paper, lip balm, and before going in I would go for a Brazilian wax. iPod is optional.

Nurses rock! even if sometimes they get all flustered and get mixed up and very nearly administered me penicillin, the one drug I had an alert bracelet for...

Friends are the most important part of getting better. Love you all, thank you so much for picking up the pieces yet again.