Had surgery again, 2 weeks ago; the pain is getting back to my base level. But having the companionship & unconditional love from Foxy has been the best salve to soothe my heart.
N has been great too, so supportive & understanding — it feels so natural to have such an easy companion again. I guess I'm just terrified that my illnesses will make N to burnout or that the cancer or the madness or the MS/MND(??) will become an issue that will create a rift in our friendship.
I'm terrified that N will leave me ( yes, I know N has said that won't happen, but it could happen).
I still feel like everyone else will be better when I die, I still want to die, and yet, I'm allowing myself to enjoy the joy of these new companionships, p'haps foolishly.