I like to watch the leaves falling off the trees, floating for what must seem an eternity for them.
When I was a child, perhaps 8 or 9 I had mumps, that was the only reason why I was allowed to stay home from school, I got out of bed and went outside, there was a beautiful raven calling, his plumes were blue-black, the most beautiful colour I had ever seen, until something else caught my eye.
A huge butterfly was just resting on the ground, it was dark purple with black edges and a few electric-blue dots, I have never seen anything like it ever again, I got told I was probably hallucinating because I had a high fever, I don't know, can't remember, but I know it gave me so much joy to see such beauty.
A long time has passed since that day, and along the way I have lost some people I loved with all my heart, but every time I've lost someone, there has been a butterfly crossing my path.
Now it's my time to go, I'm told to put my affairs in order. I just wish it was faster. Every day a tiny piece of me gets lost, or perhaps goes back to where I belong - I don't know.
There's the siren's song calling from my bed side table, 'do it now' it says, 'it'll only be a minute'. The temptation is strong and I must resist because I'm not done, because my affairs aren't in order yet, because there are things out of my control. So I must remain with this life chipping away at my soul.
But I yearn to become the butterfly with the dark purple wings and float in the air like the falling leaves of a tree, together with S for the rest of eternity.