Sunday, 12 September 2010
demons and trying to be less
Today I am fazed by the thoughts of why so many others are having agreat time and I seem to strugle all the time. I work hard, I do what it takes for me to be O>K and yet I don't seem to be going anywhere, I feel lonely, unloved, and quite frankly hard done by life...
I really don't want to whinge but by the mass! no matter how hard I try, life seems to be passing me by, friends and acquaintances are doing better and bigger and I just barely exist day by day.
Why is life so hard? Why is love so hard to find? Why is kindness so rare? I am not talking just about me anymore, I am talking about life, love and kindness in general, so many people go without, so many die of unnecessary and preventable causes, I am very puzzled by suffering and yet there seems to be nothing I can do to help my own situation let alone that of others.
True I volunteer my time to charity and give what I can but it is just not even noticeable. I really wish I could invent a machine that could come up with realistic and feasible solutions for these problems.
There are many good things in my life and that's a fact. I have a home, a have 2 jobs, I have treatment for my Bipolar, I have a few friends and I suppose I even have a lover, so why is it that I feel so very alone? What can I do to feel content with my life?
Somebody told me I should try to be - well, 'less' I don't really know what that means, should I try to be less me, or less caring or less what?
All I know is that my next therapy session is going to be full of deep searching into the depths of my Psyche and the confines of my heart.
Posted by jiuki at 3:14 am