Sunday, 12 September 2010

demons and trying to be less

Today I am fazed by the thoughts of why so many others are having agreat time and I seem to strugle all the time. I work hard, I do what it takes for me to be O>K and yet I don't seem to be going anywhere, I feel lonely, unloved, and quite frankly hard done by life...
I really don't want to whinge but by the mass! no matter how hard I try, life seems to be passing me by, friends and acquaintances are doing better and bigger and I just barely exist day by day.
Why is life so hard? Why is love so hard to find? Why is kindness so rare? I am not talking just about me anymore, I am talking about life, love and kindness in general, so many people go without, so many die of unnecessary and preventable causes, I am very puzzled by suffering and yet there seems to be nothing I can do to help my own situation let alone that of others.
True I volunteer my time to charity and give what I can but it is just not even noticeable. I really wish I could invent a machine that could come up with realistic and feasible solutions for these problems.

There are many good things in my life and that's a fact. I have a home, a have 2 jobs, I have treatment for my Bipolar, I have a few friends and I suppose I even have a lover, so why is it that I feel so very alone? What can I do to feel content with my life?

Somebody told me I should try to be - well, 'less' I don't really know what that means, should I try to be less me, or less caring or less what?

All I know is that my next therapy session is going to be full of deep searching into the depths of my Psyche and the confines of my heart.

1 comment:

marso said...

otro abrazo niña.
desde el frío DF.