Thursday, 3 April 2008


So, here I am again

Well over 1 month, yes I have been up and down and quite frankly I couldn't be bothered with it. Life is still a roller coaster, the ups are great and the downs are hair raising and yet I prevail.
Looking for a new job, still nothing.
I would love to go away but can't afford it yet - but soon I will be able to do what I please (whatever that is).

Pharlap and I are still going, wow! it's been one year already, who would have thought? He is sweet and at times a complete tool but he is who he is and yes, I love him just because he is well, Pharlap. I never thought I had a thing for older men but it turns out I do, and it's cool by me.

The new drug to be commenced in a couple of weeks is Lithium - lots of side effects and yet this could be the very first time I ever get to experience the mediocre middle, not up, not down, not on the way there, just plain and even. I am scared shit-less and at the same time I am quite curious about it but if this can be the way for me to not have mood swings I am willing to give it a fair go - I do want to know what is "normal life" according to the establishment. After all, the one thing I know how to do is to SURVIVE.

I learnt that there are 3 different types of bipolar disorder, who would have thought! I have BiPD2 with melancholic depression, so, the stay in ward26 was diagnosed as double depression however now it has been revised as a depressive episode aggravated by environmental and social circumstances, I hate to get these little updates by mail. The next step is for me to have a full medical and then once I commence Lithium therapy I will be having a needle every 2 weeks just to make sure I am OK, I will not be allowed to do lots of things including heavy exercise or a reduction in salt intake or ever heavy perspiration - life is looking like it will be heavily regimented for me - I only hope I can cope

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