Update

I haven't been blogging for a while, I was in precarious position in my head, soul and living arrangements but now the panorama is different. 

I'm feeling better in myself, house troubles are not so and other than my stupid chronic pain / autoimmune disorder everything is kind of OK. 

Every week I have a meeting with a 'helper/mentor' as part of my 'strategy for recovery' and somehow we ended talking about defining moments, I thought about () and where and what their life is like, does () ever think about me? What about ()? I think of so many people who I loved deeply and for their own reasons are not close to me any more. 

My life does read like one of grief and loss but I guess every life will be touched by them at one time or another, it just feels like mine is a double concentrate. 

Everything is OK for now.