work

I'm back at my volunteer job with the Sisters of Charity, I love it.
I want to get into a job that pays me for raising funds to help others, that is my call in life i reckon, either that or working for the government, I would love to be a public servant... here's hoping.

today

The rains are here and I'm feeling happy.
Perhaps more than happy, I'm a bit exhilarated - oh well, is just another part of the wonderful roller coaster that is my mood...

thus far

So, here's what has been happening since my penultimate post in July 2009.

I was very badly depressed again, not eating, not going out, not talking to many people and not wanting to go back to hospital. I then came across an experimental treatment at the Black Dog Institute, so 4 EEGs after I then commenced a course on MBS(mild brain stimulation) or DCS (direct current stimulation) which entails a very mild electrical current (around 9.v)given to the brain for 20 minutes everyday for 3 weeks, then once a week for 3 months then once every 2weeks for the next 9months, I am now in the maintenance phase of fortnightly sessions and believe me it does work. Within the first treatment I felt a change that can only be explained as my brain being given a kick in the arse and made to function properly! I was actually well for THREE MONTHS!!!, no mood swings, no deeps, no voices, all great!

Then the dreaded Xmas came and with it my mood started swinging, up and down I went again and the voices returned - the psychiatrist said they are malignant so I must get rid of them with medication, whilst the psichologist said they a fragments of my personality brought on by trauma, I don't know what to think, the medication makes me stupid and no medication makes me scared sometimes, so bad if I do and bad if I don't...
Now I'm trying to stay away from hospital, I don't want to go back but I have the mental health crisis team breathing on my neck calling me everyday asking me if I am going to kill myself today , it is all a bit upsetting really.

All I need is love.

very long time

Three years ago - 17/1/2007 - my life went to hell at about 6:30am, that is when ..... called me to tell me it was all a lie, and i thought i was over it by now, but i can see i am not.
I am such a sad case. It really hurts and all i can do is wait until the hurt goes away.I'm just going to take a xanax and go to sleep hoping this horrible date will pass quickly.

JUST GET THE BLOODY HELL OVER IT!!!!!

note to self

Remove your hand before closing the door!!!!
Nearly broke my poor thumb, it is so sore and it was looking like a sausage for a couple of days, I hope my nail doesn't fall (yuk).
I'm over winter already, my laundry doesn't dry properly and the cold is annoying me a little.
Let there be sunshine!

32

Very grateful today for all the good wishes on my birthday, it was a beautiful day and hopefully will be a great night.
Grateful for all the love

rain

The weather is not good, it is cold, rainy and horrible. My home is nice, I sit by myself to watch tele and drink countless cups of cinnamon 'tea' - I really like it. i have all I need in this little place I just hope my anxiety goes and I can start getting better and start enjoying all the good things I have.