thus far

So, here's what has been happening since my penultimate post in July 2009.

I was very badly depressed again, not eating, not going out, not talking to many people and not wanting to go back to hospital. I then came across an experimental treatment at the Black Dog Institute, so 4 EEGs after I then commenced a course on MBS(mild brain stimulation) or DCS (direct current stimulation) which entails a very mild electrical current (around 9.v)given to the brain for 20 minutes everyday for 3 weeks, then once a week for 3 months then once every 2weeks for the next 9months, I am now in the maintenance phase of fortnightly sessions and believe me it does work. Within the first treatment I felt a change that can only be explained as my brain being given a kick in the arse and made to function properly! I was actually well for THREE MONTHS!!!, no mood swings, no deeps, no voices, all great!

Then the dreaded Xmas came and with it my mood started swinging, up and down I went again and the voices returned - the psychiatrist said they are malignant so I must get rid of them with medication, whilst the psichologist said they a fragments of my personality brought on by trauma, I don't know what to think, the medication makes me stupid and no medication makes me scared sometimes, so bad if I do and bad if I don't...
Now I'm trying to stay away from hospital, I don't want to go back but I have the mental health crisis team breathing on my neck calling me everyday asking me if I am going to kill myself today , it is all a bit upsetting really.

All I need is love.