20 May 09

Today I'm feeling better.
Things to be grateful for:
1.my physical health
2.my friends M,L,P,T,D
3.my intelligence
4.my family
5.people who understand
6.the rain

mother's day

Once again I'm back inside the kennel, once again that bloody black dog is sitting right on top of me.
I want to go home (wherever that is)I don't want to be in hospital anymore, I'm tired of it all, I'm tired of being crazy.
Today is just another day just like yesterday and tomorrow, and the day after, etc,etc.
Quoting the No-Purpose-Tortoise: "there is no future, only oblivion"

today

I'm out on parole again after being in the loonie bin for 20 days, it is amazing how fast time goes.
I don't really know how I'm feeling, when I wakw up inthe morning I feel like I can't possibly face the day, then it gets less bad but by the evening I'm so anxious and scared about god knows what! I'm not sure the meds are working I'm just not feeling right but I don't want to go back into hospital so I'll have to ride it...
I'm seeing the vet tomorrow, perhaps she can help me out with the anxiety with yet another pill. I'm tired of the meds but I can't stop taking them, that would be too destructive in the long run.

the bright side of life

I am feeling much better than on my last post, it turned out to be a bad side effect from a combination of nortryptilline and venlafaxine. The latter of which I am now free of, today was my last day on that particular med and although I'm feeling a bit sick physically my mood is better, not suicidal any more, not so teary.
This holiday just sneaked up on me, is the holidays that make me feel the loneliest, at least I am in hospital so if I feel like a good cry there is staff at hand to talk things through with them, they have been really nice to me on this stay.
I ate too much chocolate yesterday - hence the mad headache and the funny belly.
I am feeling better.

another downer

Another day, a down day. I'm once again under the influence of the black dog. These swings are exhausting, one minute up, then down, then side to side, this roller coaster ner ends.
I'm tired of it, I just want it to stop, I want to sleep
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Im back in the bin again, there goes my 6 month 'bullet proof' plan.
I was feeling really bad yesterday and today is like I am another person, now i really think i am going nuts!

two words

If Only...