note to self

Remove your hand before closing the door!!!!
Nearly broke my poor thumb, it is so sore and it was looking like a sausage for a couple of days, I hope my nail doesn't fall (yuk).
I'm over winter already, my laundry doesn't dry properly and the cold is annoying me a little.
Let there be sunshine!

32

Very grateful today for all the good wishes on my birthday, it was a beautiful day and hopefully will be a great night.
Grateful for all the love

rain

The weather is not good, it is cold, rainy and horrible. My home is nice, I sit by myself to watch tele and drink countless cups of cinnamon 'tea' - I really like it. i have all I need in this little place I just hope my anxiety goes and I can start getting better and start enjoying all the good things I have.

new news

I have a new home. Once again i will be living on my own and I'm very keen to be by myself.
My mood is a little bit more stable - allegedly the work of my new medication the good old lithium carbonate.
I wish I felt like doing stuff but I don't feel like doing anything yet, hopefully that will pass and I will get better.

20 May 09

Today I'm feeling better.
Things to be grateful for:
1.my physical health
2.my friends M,L,P,T,D
3.my intelligence
4.my family
5.people who understand
6.the rain

mother's day

Once again I'm back inside the kennel, once again that bloody black dog is sitting right on top of me.
I want to go home (wherever that is)I don't want to be in hospital anymore, I'm tired of it all, I'm tired of being crazy.
Today is just another day just like yesterday and tomorrow, and the day after, etc,etc.
Quoting the No-Purpose-Tortoise: "there is no future, only oblivion"

today

I'm out on parole again after being in the loonie bin for 20 days, it is amazing how fast time goes.
I don't really know how I'm feeling, when I wakw up inthe morning I feel like I can't possibly face the day, then it gets less bad but by the evening I'm so anxious and scared about god knows what! I'm not sure the meds are working I'm just not feeling right but I don't want to go back into hospital so I'll have to ride it...
I'm seeing the vet tomorrow, perhaps she can help me out with the anxiety with yet another pill. I'm tired of the meds but I can't stop taking them, that would be too destructive in the long run.

the bright side of life

I am feeling much better than on my last post, it turned out to be a bad side effect from a combination of nortryptilline and venlafaxine. The latter of which I am now free of, today was my last day on that particular med and although I'm feeling a bit sick physically my mood is better, not suicidal any more, not so teary.
This holiday just sneaked up on me, is the holidays that make me feel the loneliest, at least I am in hospital so if I feel like a good cry there is staff at hand to talk things through with them, they have been really nice to me on this stay.
I ate too much chocolate yesterday - hence the mad headache and the funny belly.
I am feeling better.

another downer

Another day, a down day. I'm once again under the influence of the black dog. These swings are exhausting, one minute up, then down, then side to side, this roller coaster ner ends.
I'm tired of it, I just want it to stop, I want to sleep
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Im back in the bin again, there goes my 6 month 'bullet proof' plan.
I was feeling really bad yesterday and today is like I am another person, now i really think i am going nuts!

two words

If Only...

new home

I'm still kind of homeless even though I'm paying rent, my current dwelling is nice and my flatmates are lovely people, we a happy family...
I miss having my own place and having all my stuff, I miss my bed and having the freedom of coming and going when I please without having to give accounts of my where abouts, living alone suits me better but for the time being I will have to stay put where I am and wait until I find affordable accommodation on my own.

I might start looking for a job and hopefully I will be able to work 2 days a week and 1 day volunteering at the school, I love my gardening days.

I am still very brittle

time

Time is critical, I only have 5b minutes to write something meaningful but my brain is frozen...
miss ..... a lot today

great day

Despite the rain I had an awesome day at work, love gardening.

2 weeks ago

Back in my home town for a while now, I reckon I arrived about 2 weeks ago. Now the whole battle with bureaucracy has begun. Already landed a volunteering job, it will be awesome! Not quite as high as I was when I just came back, now I feel like I'm on the level but if I'm not careful it will all just come on top of me and I can go down very quickly. I want a hug.
I'm very sleepy, the insomnia is coming back but I feel so tired, i just want to fall asleep for a couple of days.
Good luck to me! - there's no chance that is going to happen...

writer's block

Due to my lazyness and procrastination I haven't been posting anything regularly, I just don't know what to write. Perhaps this means that I have nothing to say - not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm tired.

this is love

Perula is such a wonderful place.